


New Messages From Nagito Komaeda

by PartridgeOnAPearTree



Series: Facebook AU [2]
Category: Dangan Ronpa, Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - Non-Despair, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-11 04:34:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5614090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PartridgeOnAPearTree/pseuds/PartridgeOnAPearTree
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“His name is Kamukura Izuru-kun. He's very kind to me, and he puts up with me despite my incompetence. He's so smart, really smart, that even if we’re of the same age, he's already an incoming third year middle school student. Kamukura-kun was the one who took care of me in school, and he treats me with so much kindness, to the point that I don’t think I deserve it anymore…</p>
<p>“He's my best friend, and… I tell him everything because he's so trustworthy and reliable and he never ever lets me down. Whenever he says something, he does it, and he always keeps the promises that he makes. I'm really, really happy being his friend…"</p>
<p>Kamukura Izuru's side of my other oneshot titled 'Nagito Komaeda Has Accepted Your Friend Request'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	New Messages From Nagito Komaeda

**Author's Note:**

> I am back with more of this verse! It's recommended that you read the first part before reading this one! :) I worked so hard on this, so I hope you guys enjoy it! Happy New Year!

“Hello…”

 

Kamukura hears a soft voice as he continues drawing on his notebook. He doesn’t look up—after all, whoever it was, it was probably no one worth his time anyway. It’s annoying how everyone in this school seems to know only three words: genius, extraordinary, and talented.

 

_Izuru-kun, you are a genius. Is there anything you can’t do? It’s as if all talent is yours!_

_Wow, you're really skilled! Almost extraordinarily so! I'm impressed!_

_Despite being so young, you really are talented already! Tell me, how did you learn all these?_

He has heard all of them before. If he were to be honest, at first, he found them flattering. However, as the years went by, and he started hearing those words and other variants of them from probably everyone he meets—schoolmates, adults, friends of his parents—they started giving him a feeling of… annoyance, maybe?

 

“Hello…” There was the soft voice again, and he finally allows himself to look up from his notebook, finding a white-haired boy in front of him. The boy has a nervous smile on—he's obviously doing his best to seem friendly but valiantly failing at it (not because he seems cold, he just looks like he's not used to this)—and his unease becomes even more apparent when Kamukura makes eye contact with him. “Do you… like boats…?”

 

Kamukura blinks upon hearing his question. He holds his eye contact with the white-haired boy, studying him from head to toe, and the latter’s nervousness looks like it instantly doubled. He does his best to maintain his forced friendliness, however, and Kamukura can see his resolve breaking with every second.

 

“Haha…” He forces a soft giggle to come out. “You looked like you were having fun, so that’s what I assumed… You do like boats, right?”

 

“…Boats?” Kamukura finally speaks, merely repeating what the white-haired boy said. He looks at the notebook on his desk again, eyeing the drawing that he has been working on. He knew what a boat was, of course, but he became so focused on drawing its different parts—the possible details that he can add that will make it totally unlike the usual boats that he sees—that he didn’t even have time to explicitly recite in his mind at least that he is, in fact, drawing a boat. “Ah, that’s right… that’s it. So this _is_ a boat.”

 

“Haha…” The boy laughs again, and albeit the nervous edge was still there, he looks really relieved that Kamukura replied at least. “You just realized that now?”

 

Kamukura must have narrowed his eyes or something similar to that because the momentary relief that the boy showed earlier completely vanished, and he looked like he was greatly torn between sputtering into apologies or just screaming infinitely because of panic.

 

“…Is it really that funny?” So Kamukura tries to soften his tone at least because even if he's sure that everyone’s similar, that this boy most probably is like everyone else too, there's still no reason to scare someone off.

 

The white-haired boy blinks, confused about how to react. Is Kamukura upset or not? Is it alright to continue speaking? If Kamukura were to guess, these are possibly the questions that he has in his mind at the moment. He catches the boy gulping, looking a little bit more confident than he was earlier before speaking, “Hey, if you want… care to talk a little? The silence was starting to bore me…”

 

Kamukura allows himself to inspect the boy more thoroughly this time. White hair, pale skin, and—Kamukura blinks from his scrutiny because he has noticed something greatly distracting. A noticeable hint of embarrassment now accompanies the boy’s initial nervous look, and he squirms, just very slightly, but Kamukura still noticed.

 

“…You.”

 

“Y-Yes…?”

 

“What is your eye color?”

 

“…Ah.” The white-haired boy blinks. His confusion was still obvious when he replies. “Um… green, I think… uh, why do you ask…?”

 

“Green.” Kamukura repeats. “But it looks gray.”

 

“…Um, then gray?”

 

“But it looks green.”

 

“…”

 

Kamukura opens his backpack that is currently placed on the side of his chair. He gets a small box, the white-haired boy curiously eyeing all of his movements, and takes one of the crayons inside. He eyes it for a few seconds before handing it to the white-haired boy, a hint of contentment in his face. “This is your eye color.”

 

“…Oh.” The boy blinks, slightly nodding, before carefully taking the crayon in his hand. He turns it around, as if memorizing how the color looks like, and finally stops when he sees the label. “Cascade green… so uh, it _is_ green, after all?”

 

“No, it’s cascade green.” Kamukura replies. “It’s green, yes, but it has a hint of gray just like your eyes. Cascade green.”

 

The white-haired boy blinks again before nodding, this time, breaking into a small smile. “That’s amazing. I have a hard time telling the exact colors of things, see… I'm not colorblind or anything, it’s just that, when I stare at a color for too long, I feel like it changes and—oh, ah… I'm so sorry for babbling…”

 

“No, it’s okay.” Kamukura closes his notebook and turns to him. “You can continue.”

 

After all, this must be the longest conversation that he has had in a while that doesn’t involve the person gushing on and on about how he's a genius, that there's nothing he can’t do, that all talent is his, that he's really skilled, that he's this and that—

 

“Are you sure…?” The white-haired boy looks momentarily surprised, but it didn’t take too long before he shows another smile. It wasn’t small or forced like the ones that he had earlier—no, this one was different. It was bigger, more genuine, and dare Kamukura think it, warm. “Thank you so much. To be honest, I… was feeling kind of lonely and I wanted someone to talk to. I know it’s weird, being approached by a stranger so suddenly… Hajikkun he said that I'm really shy and quiet, and while that’s not bad, he thought that maybe I should try befriending people whenever I feel lonely because—oh, no, I babbled again. I'm really sorry.”

 

“It’s alright.” Kamukura nods. “I'm listening.”

 

“O-Oh…” The white-haired nods as well. “Well… so Hajikkun said that having a lot of friends means having a lot of playmates and that feels nice… I never really tried his advice before, but now he's gone, so I thought…”

 

“I understand.” Kamukura replies. “It’s admirable. That you're trying to overcome your weaknesses, I mean.”

 

“You think so, huh…” There was that warm smile again. “But ah, I'm still really bad at it, of course. I hadn’t even introduced myself! My name is Komaeda Nagito… I really am lucky to meet someone who's willing to talk to me despite my poor efforts… I know it may sound like a shallow thing, but thank you so much...”

 

“No problem. I wanted someone decent to talk with too.” Kamukura holds out his hand, and Komaeda shakes it, almost happily so. “I'm Kamukura Izuru.”

 

“Kamukura Izuru…” Komaeda repeats. “I think I… already heard your name somewhere.”

 

“Did you?” Kamukura raises an eyebrow. It’s pretty disappointing. He already knows that everyone, _everyone_ —this Komaeda person is not an exception—is alike, and that they'd inevitably end up saying the same things that he already knows and always hears about, but he supposes that he's still a child, after all, no matter what he thinks.

 

The possibility that someone will come and actually have conversation with him that is not about his abilities, the possibility that someone will come and actually do with him things that children their age should be rightfully doing—if he were to be painfully honest, these possibilities sound good… beautiful, even.

 

Komaeda slowly nods, looking at him in awe. Here it comes. Kamukura’s ready to take his things and leave. “I did… You were the one who competed in the Science Quiz Bee in the national level. They said that you won without even a single mistake! That’s really amazing… I had no idea that I was talking to _the_ Kamukura Izuru…”

 

“Really now?” He was already chucking his notebook and pencils inside his bag as he said that.

 

“Yeah… I was really impressed when I heard about it... I mean, winning a national-level quiz bee was already amazing on its own, but getting a perfect score too…” Kamukura zips his bag as Komaeda continues speaking. “And I also heard that you won a general information quiz bee recently too... It’s just so impressive… How do you do that, Kamukura-kun?”

 

“I mean,” Komaeda continues speaking, and his voice is starting to annoy Kamukura. “In between school and your many, many extra activities, um… do you still find time to play games?”

 

Kamukura stops his feet that were so close to dragging him away from this place seconds ago. For the first time in a long while, probably, he felt confusion. Whatever Komaeda is saying—it’s a new one, totally unlike what he's used to.

 

But that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

 

If anything, it’s—

 

“But, hahaha…” Komaeda shows a small hint of nervousness again. “I probably shouldn’t be sticking my nose to that, huh… My mama used to say that I shouldn’t mess with other people’s businesses unless they specifically agreed to my helping them… so… I guess I should say sorry—oh. You're leaving already…?”

 

Kamukura grasps his bag firmer before straightening himself, shaking his head. “…I'm not going anywhere. I think I would… enjoy listening to you for a little longer.”

 

—If anything, it’s even soothing in a sense.

 

Because that was when Kamukura learned that not everyone is the same, after all, especially when Komaeda smiles again and nods, saying, “Alright then, so… What games do you play when you have time? Can I play with you if it’s okay?”

 

\--

 

That was his first conversation with Komaeda. It was a day that he would never ever forget no matter how hard he tries. Komaeda was his first friend, after all, the first ever person who was colored differently among the people who seemed monochrome.

 

Kamukura wouldn’t even have known if Komaeda didn’t arrive. He wouldn’t have known that he actually wanted someone to talk with, someone to hang out with, someone to _play games with_ —or maybe he did know, after all, but he must have unconsciously rejected the thoughts one way or another.

 

Komaeda taught him that someone can admire him while addressing that he's still human both at the same time.

 

Komaeda taught him that someone can still look at him and see a person instead of an all-knowing robot.

 

\--

 

Kamukura’s phone buzzes, making a rather loud sound against the wooden table that it was placed on, and he quickly retrieves it to see what exactly caused that disturbance. He was studying for tomorrow’s quiz, not because he actually needs to, but he figures that he has nothing better to do at the moment.

 

It seems a new email for him has arrived.

 

‘ _Facebook: New messages from Nagito Komaeda._ ’

 

Kamukura closes the email application to immediately go online with his browser, and as the mail notified him, there were indeed new messages from Komaeda. Kamukura enjoys talking to Komaeda, be it online, on the phone, via text messaging, in real life, and if he were to be honest, he knows that he’ll drop anything that he's doing once Komaeda sends him at least one message.

 

‘ _Hi, Izuru-kun. :)_ ’

‘ _You're going to attend Koizumi-san’s Halloween Party, right?_ ’

‘ _I really miss you. I want to see you soon._ ’

‘ _Good luck with your quiz tomorrow! I know you got it on the bag! ^_^_ ’

 

These are just simple messages, Kamukura knows, but he won’t be ashamed to admit that even he who usually has a serious demeanor was able to smile because of them. He wonders if it would be laughable though that even gestures as small as these can make him feel… valued.

 

‘ _Hello, Nagito, I'm here._ ’

‘ _Yes, I will attend because I want to see you too._ ’

‘ _Thank you, I think I'm done studying now, however. So if you want to talk right now, we can._ ’

 

Kamukura’s replies were immediately marked seen, and the three blinking dots signifying the fact that Komaeda is currently typing up a reply shortly shows up. He finds himself clicking on Komaeda’s profile and scrolling through it as he waits for the incoming messages.

 

‘ _Nice! I'm really excited to see you, Izuru-kun. Even if we meet every Friday, it’s not enough, haha ;u;_ ’

‘ _Ahhh, I'm so sorry for being so needy. I know you have so much stuff to do, yet I'm always so clingy. I always bother you with messages like this one. I know I should stop, but for some reason, I can’t :(_ ’

‘ _Please tell me if I'm annoying you._ ’

 

Kamukura knows that he's a skilled individual. That’s something that he has always been aware of ever since he was a child. He can memorize anything that he wants to memorize, learn something in an unbelievable speed, do the best outputs with minimal efforts—but despite these, something that he usually feels inadequate about is his social abilities. He supposes that it was partly his fault because he actually spent a great deal of time thinking that no one is worthy of his attention back then as a child.

 

He can’t help thinking that maybe the reason why Komaeda feels so lonely all the time is because there's something wrong with how he's expressing himself. It always strikes his mind that maybe he's doing something wrong, but he tries to not put his mind to that. Instead of using up time for brooding about his insecurities, he thinks it would be more productive if he just focuses on bettering himself.

 

‘ _I am excited to see you too._ ’

‘ _I promise that you are never ever a bother to me._ ’

‘ _And of course, you are never annoying to me too._ ’

‘ _Nothing makes me happier than talking to you or being with you. I hope you know that._ ’

 

The three dots start to blink, only to disappear after a short while. Kamukura resumes scrolling through Komaeda’s profile. There's just something relaxing about looking at the photos where he's smiling—it makes Kamukura feel like they're still next to each other even if they're not.

 

Kamukura has been accelerated two levels—the first time was when he was supposed to be in the second grade but was moved to the third grade instead. The second time was the year after that when he was supposed to be in the fourth grade but was moved to the fifth grade. As a result, currently, while Komaeda still is in the second year of senior high school, Kamukura already is in his first year in university.

 

University isn’t really as difficult as other people make it out to be, though maybe that’s just him, but he does acknowledge that it is indeed a bit harder than whatever education he has had so far.

 

As a result of being in university already, Kamukura had to stay in a dormitory inside the campus, and he only goes home to his actual residence on Friday nights. He luckily doesn’t have classes on Mondays, and his first class on Tuesday is actually around half an hour before noon, so he only goes back on Tuesday mornings.

 

On Fridays, both he and Komaeda decided that they should meet, and even if he's honestly tired on those days, whenever he sees Komaeda, it’s as if his fatigue gets immediately tossed aside and forgotten, only to come back once he's already alone in the comfort of his room in his house.

 

Kamukura accidentally hovers over Komaeda’s name in one of the comments of his profile picture. He just plans to read the comments because there's nothing else to look at while waiting for Komaeda’s reply, but what popped up caught his interest.

 

**Member** at **Hope’s Peak Academy’s School Paper**

Studies at **Hope’s Peak Academy**

Became friends with **Hajime Hinata** and **49 others**

 

Kamukura blinks. Hinata Hajime… He knows that name. He can still remember well, even if he was generally uninterested in his surroundings back then when he became classmates with that boy during first grade. Hinata was that noisy kid who played in the playground every day and was friends with practically everyone. That was something that Kamukura, dare he say it, actually envied a little bit from someone.

 

There was also the fact that Komaeda—

 

‘ _Thank you, Izuru-kun :’) I want to hug you, but I can’t right now, so virtual hug! *hugs*_ ’

‘ _I love you._ ’

‘ _I love you so much._ ’

‘ _Whatever happens, I’ll always love you._ ’

 

‘ _I love you too, but did something occur recently?_ ’

‘ _You seem like you are thinking of something worrying._ ’

‘ _Do you want to talk about it?_ ’

 

‘ _It’s nothing important, Izuru-kun. Don’t worry about me. I'm sorry for being troublesome again :(_ ’

‘ _Just remember that I’ll always love you, alright?_ ’

‘ _Whatever happens._ ’

 

‘ _I will by no means forget. Thank you._ ’

‘ _So please do not forget too that I will always love you as well._ ’

‘ _That you are not at all troublesome and that it sincerely makes me pleased just talking to you about anything._ ’

 

‘ _:’)_ ’

‘ _I love you._ ’

‘ _Anyway, I gotta go now, Izuru-kun! I'm just online to take a short break from reviewing. I hope I pass tomorrow! If only I'm as smart as you >.<_’

 

‘ _Alright, review well._ ’

‘ _You are already smart, you know. You do not have to be like me._ ’

‘ _I believe that you can do it. Good luck to you too._ ’

 

\--

 

“Kamukura-kun, did you have fun playing in the playground today?” Komaeda sits beside him with a wide grin, his clothes filthy. “If you ask me, the best will always be the slides… Do you agree with me?”

 

“Is that not because this school only has slides?” Kamukura replies, turning to Komaeda. “They removed the swings and seesaws two years ago because I heard they deemed them too dangerous. That is why there is not really variety in here.”

 

“Haha, well…” Komaeda starts looking embarrassed. “You're right… I’ve never really used a swing or a seesaw before, so my opinion is pretty baseless… I'm sorry.”

 

“It’s fine.” Kamukura stands up and holds out a hand to Komaeda. “They have not really thrown away the swings and seesaws that used to be here. I know where they hide them.”

 

“Huh…?” Komaeda blinks at the hand offered to him. “Is Kamukura-kun saying…”

 

“That we should play there instead, yes.” Kamukura finishes the sentence for him. “If you are worried about it being unsafe, don’t be. I will be there with you. I will not let anything happen.”

 

“Oh…” Komaeda allows a smile to grace his features. “Alright! I trust you, Kamukura-kun. If it’s you, I'm sure that we will stay unharmed. Let’s go!”

 

Komaeda places his hand on his, and he remembers grabbing it firmly as they head to that place that he has in mind. He can also remember that this must be the time when he resolved that he’ll always do his best to keep Komaeda happy with the best of his abilities.

 

\--

 

“Ahhh,” Komaeda excitedly plays with his fingers as he leans on the edge of the table. He was sitting across Kamukura, and Kamukura felt the need to support the table at least just in case it tips to the side. “I can’t wait! It’s been a while since I had viva ice, after all. The last one I had was with Hajikkun!”

 

“Right, I have never asked you…” Kamukura firmly holds the table from below as Komaeda continues on leaning even closer on its edge. “Who is Hajikkun?”

 

“Ah, oh,” Komaeda blinks in surprise. For the first time, probably, Kamukura was able to see Komaeda with a slight blush dusting his cheeks. “That’s right… I always mention him, yet I never really elaborated because I figured that you knew who he was… I mean, he mentioned that you were classmates during first grade, back then when Kamukura-kun hasn’t been accelerated any levels yet.”

 

“Hajikkun…” Kamukura repeats. He finds himself even more curious than before. Komaeda has stopped leaning against and moving the table too, this time, sitting nervously on his seat. “Haji… Hajime? As in Hinata Hajime?”

 

“Oh, you do know him!” The blush on Komaeda’s face becomes even more visible, but he's obviously trying to keep himself calm. “Well, you're right… I call him Hajikkun and in return, he calls me Nagi. We were really close last year, see, we were together every day there's school… but then he suddenly transferred this year without even saying goodbye… I thought he was just absent on the first day and that maybe he was placed in a separate class, but when I checked the class rosters and didn’t find his name in any list even if I looked it over a thousand times… I realized that he left.”

 

“Now that I think about it, you mentioned him too during our first meeting.” Kamukura nods. “The one who said that you should try befriending people when you're lonely.”

 

“Yeah! I was so lonely when I realized that he's gone without me even knowing where he went… and I'm really glad that I took his advice.” Komaeda lightly scratches his cheek, still with that blush. “Hajikkun is so great… I became closer to Tsumiki-san, Nidai-kun, and some of the transferees. And of course, you, Kamukura-kun. All because I decided to listen to his words…”

 

Kamukura wasn’t able to properly identify what he was feeling that time, but something that he was actually certain about is that it wasn’t a positive feeling. It was similar to the feeling that he got when he saw his classmates naturally getting along with little to no difficulty without him, but he's not really too sure. After all, this feeling was indeed similar, but not entirely…

 

“You seem really fond of him.”

 

“F-Fond?” Komaeda repeats the word, and as if his blush wasn’t already noticeable enough, it becomes even more vibrant as he continues speaking. “W-Well, of course… Hajikkun was a great friend… He always played with me and even lent me crayons whenever I forgot to bring mine…”

 

“I understand.” Kamukura nods. “I have a question for you then.”

 

“Oh?” Komaeda curiously tilts his head. “What is it?”

 

“If I…” He pauses, lightly rubbing his chin. “Wait, let me find the best way to phrase it.”

 

“It’s alright, Kamukura-kun. You can say it however.”

 

“Alright.” Kamukura clears his throat. “If I lend you crayons…”

 

“Yes?”

 

“If I lend you crayons… will you be fond of me too?”

 

“Huh?” Komaeda blinks. He then shortly giggles, lightly covering his mouth. “Silly Kamukura-kun! I already am fond of you! You were nice enough not to ditch me even if I'm boring to be with… not to mention that my attempt during our first conversation probably ended up being an uncomfortable experience…”

 

“I do not think you are boring. If anything, your company is quite enjoyable.”

 

“Eh? Really?” Komaeda places a hand on his own chest with a contented smile. “I'm glad… I always get the feeling that I bore Kamukura-kun. That’s why I do my best to think of the best games! But whenever I do, I also feel like I might be forcing you to do things that you don’t want… so I'm really happy to hear that. Thank you.”

 

“Don’t worry. I will tell you if you have done something to upset me. But so far, you have not done anything like that yet.”

 

“That’s a relief…” Komaeda lets out a sigh. “I always, always think that I'm annoying, see. I can’t help but feel that all of my classmates hate me… Thank you, Kamukura-kun. This means a lot to me.”

 

“I don’t think I’d be hating you anytime soon.” Kamukura replies, and Komaeda looks so surprised listening to him. “After all, you are the most decent person that I have met so far.”

 

\--

 

The two of them aren’t too fond of displaying their affection when they're with their friends. The most that they do when there are people there with them is probably holding hands already, and even that is a rare case. They don’t call each other by the first names too when they have company, Komaeda going with ‘Kamukura-kun’ and Kamukura with ‘Komaeda’—the names that they used for each other growing up.

 

Unlike with Hinata, the two of them never really had nicknames for each other. Komaeda did suggest Izu-tan and Nagi-chin, but it never really stuck. Partly because Kamukura just tried using ‘Nagi-chin’ exactly once and never did it again, and because he never actually responds when Komaeda calls him ‘Izu-tan’.

 

Kamukura doesn’t really mind. If he were to be honest, he thinks using their plain first names was more intimate. He wonders if it would be uncharacteristically sentimental of him if he says that even if they use their first names without any decorative and cutesy addition, he likes it because it feels different despite the fact that it was plain.

 

It’s as if the mere fact that they were the ones who said each other’s names already has an effect.

 

“Kamukura-kun!” Komaeda walks towards him and hands him a glass. “Are you enjoying yourself? Asahina-san really is a good party host, isn’t she?”

 

“Thank you.” Kamukura says as he takes the glass from Komaeda. “You are correct. She seems good. Everyone seems to be having fun from what I see, after all.”

 

“That’s what I can see too!” Komaeda shortly sits beside him. “You haven’t answered me though. How about you? Are you having fun?”

 

“Are you?”

 

“I guess so! Everyone’s very nice to me, really, I don’t deserve it… Asahina-san invited me even if we never really had a proper conversation before. I think the only interaction that we had is when I had to ask her some things about a swim meet she attended because I was writing a news article for the school paper.” Komaeda giggles. “There's Kuwata-kun who won’t stop forcing me to sing, but that is funny too! Right, right, if Kamukura-kun sings, then maybe I will change my mind! Do you want to try? I think your voice is really good, you know!”

 

“Do you want to sing though?”

 

“Haha, well,” Komaeda grins sheepishly. “If Kamukura-kun would want to, then of course.”

 

“That is not what I was asking.” Kamukura drinks the beverage inside the glass that Komaeda handed to him. It’s just soda, he realizes. He wasn’t able to fully judge upon sight because of the poor lighting. “Would you want to?”

 

“To be honest, I rather not.” Komaeda lets out an embarrassed giggle. “I don’t really sing, see. But as I said, if I'm with Kamukura-kun, then that’s a different business altogether! Merely being with you boosts my confidence, you know. You're the reason why I was able to talk to these lovely and charismatic people that I normally wouldn’t even be able to share oxygen with, after all!”

 

“You are giving me too much credit.” Kamukura places the glass on the table in front of them. “It’s because you are a likeable person as well. That is why you were able to befriend them.”

 

“You think, huh…” Komaeda smiles, flattered. “Thank you, Izuru-kun.”

 

Kamukura then realizes that no one is really nearby. The nearest one was already Fukawa Touko—if he remembers right, she's a member of the Library Club—and she wasn’t very close by. She was simply standing by the wall, obviously just got dragged in this party setting, and she doesn’t seem like she’d go away from her position any moment soon.

 

That must be why Komaeda shifted to his first name.

 

Kamukura allows himself to smile even just a bit, hoping that he’d be able to successfully convey the feeling of happiness that he has at the moment instead of looking like a creep who randomly grinned, and he leans closer, planting a soft kiss on Komaeda’s forehead.

 

Kamukura feels Komaeda leaning against his chest, the latter wrapping him in an embrace at the same time. “I'm lucky to have you, Izuru-kun… I truly am the luckiest person in the world because you're with me.”

 

\--

 

He trusts Komaeda.

 

\--

 

Kamukura remembers one time when he was in fifth grade and Komaeda was in third grade—when he went out of the classroom to see Komaeda with a big bump on his forehead. Kamukura’s class was dismissed five minutes late that time because the students and the teacher alike enjoyed their game a little too much.

 

“Haha, don’t worry, this isn’t really bad!” Or so Komaeda said, but his hand was placed on his forehead anyway. It could have been Kamukura’s imagination too, but Komaeda might or might not have wobbled on his feet just now. “Well, I’ll be honest… The nurse actually said that I should stay in the infirmary for a longer while, but if I do, Kamukura-kun will go home alone! I can’t disappoint—”

 

There it is.

 

Komaeda does wobble on his feet again, Kamukura’s surer now, and the side of his body hits Kamukura’s. Kamukura luckily catches him on time, causing Komaeda to straighten himself rather quickly. “—can’t disappoint Kamukura-kun, haha…”

 

“I will not be disappointed. After all, I would know that there would be a reason if ever you will not be around.” Kamukura kept his hold on Komaeda’s wrist even if the latter already is walking straightly again. It’s better to be sure. “Then of course I will look for you after that.”

 

“If it’s Kamukura-kun, I don’t doubt that you can do that…” Komaeda giggles. “But how will you even start? Kamukura-kun has no clue where I am in that situation, right?”

 

“I will find a way, of course.” Kamukura replies. He feels Komaeda wobbling a bit again (or maybe just imagines it), so he tightens his hold even more. “If ever you are not around… I will always make sure that I will find you.”

 

\--

 

“Does Kamukura-kun like mochi?” Komaeda asks one time they were sitting at the highest slide in the playground. This place was one of their favorite places to be—Komaeda really liked seeing the entirety of the playground, and the breeze was pretty cold where they are.

 

“I guess I am okay with it.” Kamukura replies after a few moments. “Why do you ask?”

 

“Nothing, I just…” Komaeda hugs his knees closer to him, almost as if he wants to hide his face in them. “I just remembered Hajikkun again… He really, really loved kusamochi, see, and we used to eat some together. He’ll share the kusamochi with me, and I’ll share the viva ice with him… It was really great.”

 

“I see.” There was that strange feeling again that he can’t fully identify again. “So do you wish to eat kusamochi at the moment?”

 

“I'm not really sure…” Komaeda leans his head on his knees. “If I do that… I’ll just remember Hajikkun even more. And while that’s not bad… I’ll possibly be even lonelier because that way, I’ll realize that he's not here to play with me now…”

 

“…You still are lonely?”

 

“Ah.” Komaeda immediately lifts his head from his knees. “I-It’s not as bad, really! I mean, at least Kamukura-kun and Tsumiki-san and my other classmates are here for me… I shouldn’t be complaining really… There really are just times when I remember Hajikkun and be sad… but it’s nothing to worry about! I promise!”

 

“…It’s okay, you know.” Kamukura clears his throat. “If you are feeling lonely or sad, I mean. It’s okay to admit something like that.”

 

“Eh…?” Komaeda’s cheeks lightly redden. “It’s just that… I find it really embarrassing, to be honest… I mean, it’s been a while since I’ve last seen Hajikkun, after all, yet here I am talking about him almost every day… I also can’t stop thinking about how Hajikkun probably never thought that I was a good playmate in the first place because if he did… he’d at least say goodbye to me, right? That’s why this is really embarrassing… I should just stop…”

 

“You make a good point, but there can easily be another reason too that you have overlooked.” Kamukura replies. “Hinata and I were not close unlike the two of you, but I can at least tell that he is not the type of person to intentionally do something like that.”

 

“Kamukura-kun thinks so, huh…” Komaeda sighs and rests his chin on his knees this time. “I have a secret… I can trust Kamukura-kun, right?”

 

“Of course.” He nods. “What is it?”

 

Komaeda goes back to hiding his face on his knees, and his voice was muffled as he speaks. “…N-Never mind.”

 

“…What?”

 

“Never mind… N-Now that I think about it, it’s too embarrassing to say…”

 

“You do not have to be embarrassed.” Kamukura tentatively pats his head. “It’s okay, whatever it is.”

 

“W-Well…” Komaeda slightly lifts his head, just very slightly that it looks like he's readying himself to hide back to his knees anytime soon, but Kamukura notices anyway that his cheeks have that evident shade of red again. “…It’s kinda about Hajikkun too, actually.”

 

“I am listening.”

 

“You see…” Kamukura does his best to listen well because Komaeda is back to hiding his face. “Actually… w-wait.”

 

“Yes?”

 

Komaeda slightly lifts his head again. “Kamukura-kun… you have to promise me not to tell anyone else.”

 

“I promise.”

 

“W-Well then…” Komaeda gulps. This time, he leans his cheek on his knee, obviously doing his best not to hide himself again. “Actually… my secret is that… Hajikkun is actually my crush…”

 

“Crush?”

 

“E-Eh? Does Kamukura-kun not know?”

 

“I hear it around, but I am not really sure what it is.”

 

“W-Well… haha, how unexpected! You're in fifth grade already… Aren't your classmates talking about it?” Komaeda sits up straight this time, his embarrassment currently forgotten. “I thought the upperclassmen were more advanced… I-I heard some even have a boyfriend or a girlfriend already…”

 

“Maybe, but I do not really participate in their conversations.” Kamukura replies. “What is a crush?”

 

“W-Well…” Komaeda clears his throat. “It’s when… um… you know, when someone is so cool, even their hair is so cool… and they're really funny, and you feel kind of shy… and they like the same games and buy the same coloring books… and you share your candies even if the candies are your favorite… and sometimes you just think you want to play with them forever…”

 

“…”

 

“O-Okay, fine, maybe I don’t know the exact definition of a crush too…” Komaeda starts to look even more embarrassed. “B-But still! I'm just talking about what I feel… I hope I got my message across at least…”

 

Kamukura nods. “I think I understand what you were trying to say.”

 

“You did?” Komaeda lets out a nervous smile. “You're really amazing… Thank you. I-I didn’t think it’d be that embarrassing talking about that…”

 

“I think, simply put, having a crush means that you like someone?”

 

“Oh… W-Well, I guess so… b-but I'm not really sure too… I mean, I like my aunt and my cousins, but… I don’t think I have a crush on them…”

 

“I see.” Kamukura nods again, rubbing his chin with his hand. “It does seem different, I suppose. It is a different kind of ‘like’.”

 

“O-Oh, well.” Komaeda clears his throat. “I just wanted to tell you… Kamukura-kun is like my best friend now, and I feel bad hiding something…”

 

“I would feel bad hiding something too.” Kamukura nods. “I agree that we are quite close to each other.”

 

“But you're not hiding something from me, are you?” Komaeda tilts his head, his eyes wide in curiosity. For some reason, that sight is one that Kamukura remembers until the present time. There was just something about his eyes that time that screamed so much of innocence.

 

“Maybe I am.” Kamukura carefully replies. “Do you think I am hiding something?”

 

“Well, you said maybe you were…”

 

“Someday,” Kamukura stands up. The sun is starting to set, and he feels the cool breeze blowing through his hair. “Someday I will tell you what I am hiding.”

 

“But that’s unfair, Kamukura-kun!” Komaeda stands up too. His eyebrows were furrowed, and he was biting his lower lip. “I told you my secret! Can’t you at least give me a clue…?”

 

“Alright, I will.” Kamukura faces him. “My secret is about my crush too.”

 

“H-Huh?” Komaeda’s eyes widen, a grin slowly making its way to his face. “Kamukura-kun has a crush too!? Tell me, tell me!”

 

\--

 

Hinata Hajime… He knows that name. He can still remember well, even if he was generally uninterested in his surroundings back then when he became classmates with that boy during first grade. Hinata was that noisy kid who played in the playground every day and was friends with practically everyone. That was something that Kamukura, dare he say it, actually envied a little bit from someone.

 

There was also the fact that Komaeda used to like him, but Kamukura tries not think of that anymore.

 

\--

 

“Izuru-kun!” He hears Komaeda’s voice from upstairs. “Come here, please! I just need to ask you something!”

 

That day, the two of them were going to go to Koizumi’s house. Koizumi Mahiru is Komaeda’s fellow member in the school paper, namely, their most skilled photojournalist. It’s pretty clear that journalism isn’t her passion, however, and she's just willing to try several styles of photography.

 

Kamukura remembers Komaeda mentioning that her most favorite is capturing photos of smiling people, but whenever she comes up with something to try, she invites her friends to be her models for the day. Today was Komaeda’s first time to be picked though, and he was pretty jittery about the whole deal. That’s basically why Kamukura decided to come with him—Komaeda phoned him a few hours ago, dancing around much preamble before finally asking if Kamukura would mind going with him. He was scared of being a ‘bother’ once again, he mentioned, but of course, Kamukura was more than happy to help soothe him.

 

Komaeda’s back was facing him when he finally arrives in the room, the former busily staring at himself in the mirror. He sees Kamukura’s reflection and he turns around, stress all over his face. “Do I look alright? Koizumi-san said to pick out plain white clothing, but I think I just look ugly, and I’d just disappoint her—”

 

“You look alright.” Kamukura interrupts, walking to him closer. “If anything, I think you look beautiful.”

 

Komaeda bites his lower lip. “You're just saying that…”

 

Kamukura takes that time to fully study Komaeda’s clothes. He meant it when he said Komaeda was beautiful. Kamukura, after all, isn’t the type to just say things without meaning it. Komaeda was wearing a button-up shirt whose buttons are also white that they're unnoticeable from afar. His pants are simply white too, and Kamukura looks down to check his sneakers which were, needless to say, also white.

 

Komaeda, although he doesn’t look it, is the type to think about what he wears. This must be why he was feeling rather insecure about the suddenly plain choice of clothes.

 

Somehow, he was able to make it work though.

 

“I mean it.” Kamukura holds his hands. “You look truly pure… like the conventional representation of what the general public identifies as angels these days.”

 

“Angels?” Komaeda repeats, his cheeks reddening. His blush is even more noticeable at the moment because of what he's wearing. “I know what you mean… but I'm sure I'm nowhere as lovely as them…”

 

“You look breathtaking, I assure you.”

 

Komaeda surprises him by suddenly rushing forward to give him a tight hug. He leans his head on Kamukura’s shoulder as he does, whispering, “Thank you… I appreciate it.”

 

Kamukura softly places his hand on Komaeda’s hair. “I am certain Koizumi would be delighted to see you.”

 

Komaeda just tightens his hug. “If I make fun of myself later, please tell me, okay?”

 

“I do not think you will, but of course.”

 

“And if I make fun of myself later, feel free to leave… I wouldn’t want you to be associated with a failure—”

 

“Shhh.” Kamukura runs his hand through Komaeda’s hair. “I believe you can do it… no, I _know_ you can do it. I will be there for you to encourage you.”

 

“Thank you, Izuru-kun…” Komaeda lifts his head from Kamukura’s shoulder and looks the latter in the eye. “I love you so much.”

 

“I love you too. ”Kamukura gently places his lips on Komaeda’s forehead. “We should go. I believe Koizumi will not be pleased if we were late.”

 

“Wait a second.” Komaeda smiles at him, nervousness evident. “Can I… ask Izuru-kun for a favor?”

 

“Of course. What is it?”

 

“Well, if it’s no trouble…” He giggles sheepishly. “Can Izuru-kun… kiss me right now? I-If it’s okay, I mean…? Sorry if it’s a weird request.... It’s just that, if there's anyone luckier than me, it’s you, Izuru-kun. I guess I’d appreciate a good luck kiss—”

 

Kamukura interrupts his words by softly placing his lips on Komaeda’s. Komaeda’s blush is even more evident from this distance, and Kamukura decides to place his hand on his soft hair again before replying. “It’s okay. You do not have to explain yourself. If you want a kiss, it’s okay anytime.”

 

“O-Oh…” Komaeda lightly touches his lips before smiling, the blush dusting his cheeks still present. “Well then… can I ask for a longer one?”

 

\--

 

“Kamukura-kun!” Komaeda runs to him the moment he gets out of his classroom. “Look, look at what my classmate gave me!”

 

He waves two wrapped chocolates and pushes one to Kamukura’s hand. “He said that the canteen is selling new stuff! We didn’t go there earlier recess time so we didn’t know, so I'm glad that they told me! Look, he even gave me two so that I can give you one!”

 

Kamukura inspects the chocolate on his palm. “Do you want to check out the canteen now then?”

 

“Eh? Aren’t they closed now at this hour? It’s dismissal time, after all.”

 

“Maybe they are not done closing yet. It’s only around five minutes after dismissal after all.” Kamukura offers him a hand. “We should check.”

 

Komaeda smiles and nods, holding Kamukura’s hand. “I'm so excited! I wonder what else they added! The food is getting repetitive, to be honest, even if I love the candies they had…”

 

“We should buy a lot of their new ones and taste them all then.”

 

“We should! We really should!” Komaeda starts skipping. “Then we’ll decide which ones are the best ones!”

 

That’s when Kamukura realized that he likes seeing Komaeda being eager for something because that’s when his smiles seem the happiest.

 

\--

 

One time when Komaeda was in fourth grade and Kamukura was in sixth—they were eating lunch together in the canteen that time, sitting across each other, and despite the fact that the meal Kamukura bought that day was really delicious, he couldn’t fully concentrate in it because he can’t help but notice that Komaeda seems to be just mechanically alternating between eating and staring off into space.

 

“Komaeda.”

 

Komaeda just tries to get a piece of the meat he's eating with chopsticks, misses twice, before finally succeeding and putting it in his mouth, all the while still staring somewhere behind Kamukura. He wonders if Komaeda has found something extremely entertaining that moment, but his eyes don’t seem entertained, and besides, if he were, he’d at least say something about it then and there.

 

“Komaeda.” Kamukura repeats, this time, placing a hand on Komaeda’s arm. “Are you okay?”

 

“Ah.” Komaeda blinks. His attention is now on Kamukura, and he looked legitimately surprised. It’s as if he completely forgotten that Kamukura is sitting with him in the first place. “Oh… I'm sorry. I must have spaced out, huh.”

 

“You did.” Kamukura agrees. “Is something bothering you?”

 

“I was just thinking about something…” Komaeda giggles, but it sounded rather forced when it came out. “You shouldn’t worry about me, Kamukura-kun.”

 

“You say that, but I can tell that you really are troubled about it, whatever it is.” Kamukura retracts his hand. “You can tell me. I will do my best to help you out.”

 

“I-It’s not really a problem!” Komaeda sheepishly smiles. “I'm just thinking about the fact that… well… Kamukura-kun is in sixth grade now and… he's going to graduate in this same school year and… n-never mind, this is embarrassing.”

 

“I promise it’s okay. What is it?”

 

Komaeda sets down the chopsticks and bites his lower lip. “I just realized… that Kamukura-kun will graduate from elementary school and be in middle school soon a-and there will be more difficult lessons—”

 

“That is not what you are worried about.”

 

“Sorry…” Komaeda sighs, a hint of shame evident in him. “I didn’t want to lie… b-but okay. It’s just that… I think I'm being selfish by thinking this but… I'm kind of scared.”

 

“Scared?”

 

“Yeah.” Komaeda sighs again. “You'll be in middle school soon and I’ll be in elementary school for two more years. Our break times won’t match anymore and we’ll only see each other on dismissal time… and even then, elementary students are dismissed at least an hour earlier compared to middle school students. I'm scared because… well…”

 

His lips start to quiver, and he looks like he was trying his best not to cry. “…I'm just scared because I’ll be alone again. I'm sorry for being selfish… b-but it’s not like that’s all I'm worried about! I'm kind of guilty too because I'm taking so much of your time… I just realized that if I never bothered you, you could have spent the time that you're spending with me with your classmates instead and you guys will be closer… That way, you guys will be looking forward and preparing for middle school together instead of you having to participate in this talk with an underclassman…”

 

“…Alright—”

 

“N-No! Please don’t talk yet…” Komaeda bites his lower lip again. “I'm really embarrassed right now… Kamukura-kun is seeing how selfish I actually am. It’s just that… I’ve grown really attached to you, and I'm worried that since the elementary students and middle school students are located in two different buildings, we’ll slowly drift apart and it’ll just be like with Hajikkun all over again…

 

“It’s inevitable that someone as amazing as Kamukura-kun will start befriending more and more people, especially since it’s expected that you guys will get a wave of completely new students next year… I-I'm not telling you not to befriend anyone—of course, I’d never!—but now I'm just… bracing myself that you'll be interacting with better and more fun people, you'll have new playmates who have better game choices and candies, and soon, you'll decide that you don’t want to play with me anymore…

 

“A-Ah, this is bad! This way, I’d seem like I'm trying to guilt you into staying with me… I promise you that that’s not my intention!” Komaeda clears his throat, seemingly as an effort to steel himself. “I’d understand more than anyone, of course, if you wouldn’t want to be playmates with me anymore… I promise I’ll never hold that against you. B-But if I were to be completely honest and horribly selfish… I-I’d say that… I wish you won’t… Kamukura-kun is a really kind and good friend, and… I don’t think I’d take it well if I lose another friend again in just a span of a few years…”

 

Silence suddenly envelops the two of them. Komaeda looked really ashamed because of his words, but Kamukura doesn’t really understand why he should feel that way. Kamukura doesn’t even think that he said something wrong, he was just saying what he feels, and Kamukura thinks that he shouldn’t be sorry for doing something like that.

 

“I'm really sorry… I think I stopped making sense halfway… I didn’t expect that I’ll have to say them right now, after all. I wish that I put more thought on what I was going to say at least…” Komaeda sighs. “Maybe I should be calmer about this… W-Well… I guess, simply put… all I was trying to say is that… we’re going to separate soon. And I'm just worried about what might happen once we do.

 

“And ah, I'm sorry for telling you not to speak! You can speak now! It’s okay! I'm really sorry, Kamukura-kun…”

 

Komaeda looked nervous, almost scared, as he looks at Kamukura and wonders what the latter will say next. He looks like he's anticipating the worst, and so Kamukura ruffles his hair as an effort to be a soothing presence at least. “First of all, it’s okay, you should not be sorry for talking about what you feel. I do not think you said something wrong anyway.”

 

“Thank you…”

 

“If it will make you comfortable, I will do anything I can to fail this year and the year after that so that we can be in sixth grade together.”

 

“Huh?” Komaeda widens his eyes. “No way! I wouldn’t want you to do something like that, Kamukura-kun!”

 

“Is that so? I thought it was a good idea.”

 

“Not at all! It’s the worst idea that I have heard so far!” Komaeda looked genuinely upset. Kamukura actually felt the need to apologize. “You shouldn’t even think about doing that ever again. Promise me, Kamukura-kun.”

 

“Alright, I promise.” Kamukura nods. “It seems to have upset you greatly, so I would not do it.”

 

“Good… I mean, I don’t want you to ruin your record just for someone like me.” Komaeda sighs. “It’s my fault for being so whiny… causing you to think up an idea like that.”

 

“But you were not being whiny. You just told me what you felt. I do not think there is anything wrong with that.” Kamukura clears his throat. “Now then, let me start off with you saying that my talking to you is a bother to me. I want to clarify that my associating with you is my own choice. It’s not because you made me feel compelled or because I am just politely tolerating your company. I do sincerely enjoy being with you among everyone else that I know. I hope you understand that.”

 

“Kamukura-kun…”

 

“That is why, I want you to know, that no matter who I get acquainted with, or no matter who I befriend, you will continue to be a separate and more special person compared to them. I do not think that I already have told you, but you are the only person that I interact with by choice. You are the only one that I really wholeheartedly enjoy spending time with.

 

“Pardon me if I seem insincere or too cold even while baring my heart to you like this. Spending time with me for more than a year now, you probably already have noticed that I am not too used to being this sentimental, but I am trying my best right now. I hope, even if my manner of speaking is like this, you will find it in yourself to focus on my words and not on the way I said them.

 

“The fact that you are the only one I actually enjoy being with is the reason why I do not think we will drift apart. Of course, I understand, if there are outside and unpredictable forces that might cause that, but I believe that if ever it does happen, it’s not because I wanted to stop associating with you. I will do anything I can to continue communicating with you even if we will most probably only be together during dismissal time, on the way to our homes, and maybe on weekends. If you want, maybe we can start walking to school together now too?

 

“I apologize because it seems I too ended up ranting without thought. Bottom line of this is that if you are worried about us drifting apart, I want you to know that I will do my best to prevent that from happening… I am sorry if I am not sounding convincing. But I promise. I really will do my best.”

 

“Kamukura-kun…” Komaeda says again. This time, he stands up from his seat and goes beside Kamukura, wrapping him in an embrace. “Thank you so much. If it’s you, then I find no reason to doubt your words… Thank you so much for being friends with me... and thank you so much for deciding to continue being friends with me.”

 

Kamukura places his hand on Komaeda’s hair again. “It’s my pleasure. Thank you to you too.”

 

\--

 

Kamukura has this male classmate who seems quite easy to anger, and he gets into fights at least once a week. There was a time back then in fifth grade when he got into fights almost every day, but from what Kamukura has observed, he has befriended a certain person during sixth grade, causing him to calm down a little.

 

That’s how he seems to be on the surface, at least. That’s something that one will observe from him at first glance. Perpetually in a bad mood, always ready to fight—but Kamukura has talked to him at least once or twice and he seems like a surprisingly calm and deep person.

 

He's one of the classmates that Kamukura doesn’t really mind talking with.

 

“Hey, you.” That classmate greets him one time in the classroom, unceremoniously sitting on the empty chair beside Kamukura. “Ken’s absent, and no one else is decent to talk with. Can I chat with you for a sec?”

 

His friend’s name is Sakurai Ken. Sakurai’s demeanor is totally unlike his classmate’s, if anything, he's more like Kamukura because of being quiet, but they have a difference. Sakurai strikes Kamukura as a person who is painfully uninterested in everything, and he never really talks to anyone aside from this friend of his.

 

Now that he thinks about it, Kamukura wonders if he too gives off that aura.

 

“Sure, I am not really doing anything right now.” Kamukura replies. “What do you want to talk about?”

 

“Ehh, nothing, really.” He frowns. “It’s just that, I'm feeling kind of pissed at everything, you know? If I don’t talk to someone decent right now, I might punch someone.”

 

“I see.”

 

“Yeah, so I know you're not really the talkative type. Actually, whoa, wait,” He interrupts himself, lightly covering his mouth. “Wow, now that I think about it, maybe the reason why I always talk to you is because you kinda remind me of Ken.”

 

“Is that so?”

 

“Hell, yeah! Damn, I'm experiencing some kind of mindblown moment right now, hold on.” He slowly nods, as if he just unearthed some ancient treasure. “You guys are, like, both really smart, and no offense, you look so bored most of the time… Don’t tell me you're actually Ken’s younger brother? I mean, you're actually two years younger than all of us, right?”

 

“Yes, I am, but no, we are not related. I do acknowledge our similarities in behavior, however.”

 

“Right, but you guys actually speak differently. That guy’s like an asshole most of the time, you know? Calling me an idiot and stuff. You're at least more polite.”

 

“Asshole?” Kamukura tilts his head. “Are the two of you not best friends?”

 

“Yeah, we are, don’t get me wrong, we just kinda like insulting each other, but we are best friends.” He pauses again. “Wait, you have a best friend too, right? I see you hanging out with that white-haired kid all the time. You guys don’t call each other insults or something?”

 

“Komaeda, you mean. And no, I do not think I would like insulting him even as a joke.”

 

“Well, yeah, to each their own, I suppose…” He nods to himself. “So Komaeda is still in fourth grade, right? Aren't you sad or something like that? Since we’re graduating this school year, after all.”

 

“I had a similar conversation with him. He too has his worries, but I promised him that we will not drift apart.”

 

“That’s great. I hope you guys stay strong…” He bites his lower lip. “Hey, can I tell you a secret?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“Promise me you'll keep it! If you tell anyone, I’ll beat you up!”

 

“I promise.”

 

“Thanks. So uh, you know, to be honest,” He scratches the back of his head. “You know how they say that next year, lots of new students will come to our school? I'm actually, uh, you know… kinda worried? That Ken will find someone cooler or something. I mean, yeah, I'm just an idiot who punches people around, so I kinda want him to go hang out with people on his level too, but you know, I'm just kinda confused because I want him to ditch me for his own good, but I know I’d get hella sad if he does. It’s weird.”

 

“I understand.” Kamukura nods. “Komaeda told me something kind of similar.”

 

“Seriously? He did?”

 

“Yes. As my response, I told him that it’s my choice hanging out with him. If Sakurai and I really are as similar as I think, then I guess he would say that it’s his choice being with you and that he does enjoy your company. I think you should talk to him about this. It really will help clarify things.”

 

“…Thanks. I'm just kinda scared he’d get freaked out, you know? But I’ll try and I’ll tell you how it goes.”

 

“No problem. Good luck to you.”

 

“But yeah, he ain't here at the moment, so!” He grins. “I’ll feel really bad having you comfort me without doing anything for you in return, you know! So do you have friendship troubles too or something? Someone you like? Someone you want me to beat up? Tell me!”

 

Kamukura doesn’t know why that time, it felt alright to talk to someone about this kind of topic. He did acknowledge that he's okay with conversing with this particular classmate of his, but that still doesn’t mean that they are deeply bonded.

 

His doubts don’t change the fact that he did decide to open his mouth that time and say, “I do have someone I like.”

 

\--

 

“Izuru-kun, this park is really nice, huh?” Komaeda was sitting beside him on a bench, inspecting their surroundings. “Everyone seems really happy and full of hope. It’s so relaxing to be here.”

 

“I think so too.” Kamukura replies as he fumbles with the camera in his hand. When Koizumi saw his shots of Komaeda saved in his phone, she managed to convince him to try and focus on photography for at least a week. She said that he was wasting his talent by not taking it more seriously, and Kamukura himself doesn’t really understand why he agreed to this. Bringing a camera around is just troublesome, it’s not comfortable having something tugging on his neck, but what makes it better is he can snap photos of Komaeda anytime he wishes.

 

“Izuru-kun, look!” Komaeda hurriedly taps his arm, pointing at a nearby tree with his other hand. “There's a dog sleeping under the tree!”

 

“Do you want me to take a photo of it?”

 

“Is that alright?” Komaeda turns to him, eagerness evident in his eyes. “Shouldn’t we be asking for permission or something? But then again, it doesn’t seem to have an owner…”

 

“We should go to it then.” Kamukura stands up, and Komaeda promptly takes his hand. “If you want, I can take a picture of you with it.”

 

“I would love that!” Komaeda replies, and he practically drags Kamukura towards the tree. Kamukura does wonder if he realizes that though.

 

The dog seems rather calm, just looking up to face them when they approached. Komaeda’s smile widens even more, and Kamukura can swear that there even is a slight blush on his cheeks. He reaches out, hesitantly placing a hand on its head, and when it leans against his touch, Komaeda’s smile widens even more, and his blush becomes more evident.

 

“I think it likes you.”

 

“I-I guess so…” Komaeda still looks surprised that the dog actually does, but Kamukura is glad that he didn’t go against that statement. “I'm just… really happy right now. I already told you, right? I had a dog once, but it… died in an accident.”

 

The dog, almost as if it understood what Komaeda was saying, moves closer to him and leans on his lap. “You did bring that up.”

 

“Dogs are just really precious, right, Izuru-kun? Someday, I want to be buried under a pile of fluffy dogs…”

 

Komaeda looks so contented having the dog on his lap that Kamukura just took the liberty and took a photo. Komaeda notices and looks at the camera this time, flashing a peace sign. Kamukura snaps that photo once again.

 

“Did you include the dog in the picture, Izuru-kun?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“Well, yes, I suppose that’s a stupid question. Of course the dog would be included!” Komaeda giggles. “You should take a photo of just the dog too, if it’s okay! I don’t want to spoil the shot, being in it.”

 

Kamukura zooms in and takes a photo of the dog. “The photo ends up even cuter if you are included, you know.”

 

“Oh, come on!” There was his light blush again. “Izuru-kun, you're really too nice.”

 

“I am just saying the truth.”

 

Komaeda laughs as the dog started moving, probably tickled. Kamukura notices that the camera is still zoomed in, and while he wants to include the dog in the photo too—

 

He snaps the shot.

 

—There's just something about Komaeda’s smile and laughter that effectively attracts him every time.

 

\--

 

“Kamukura-kun, Kamukura-kun!” Komaeda runs to him as soon as the graduation ceremony ended. He looks panicked, his panting evident, as he finally reaches Kamukura, his breathing ragged. “Please wait a second… Don’t go yet…”

 

“I am not going anywhere.” Kamukura replies as he searches his pocket for his handkerchief. He shortly hands it to Komaeda. “You are sweating a lot. Why did you run?”

 

“I just…” Komaeda took the handkerchief, tightening his hold around it. “I thought you were going to go home as soon as the graduation ceremony ended… Aren't you going to celebrate with your parents?”

 

“They can wait a bit.”

 

“O-Oh, I don’t want to keep you, so I’ll make this quick!” Komaeda zips open the bag hanging on his shoulder and takes out a small… jar? Kamukura isn’t sure. “Here…”

 

Kamukura takes the jar and peeks inside. He sees an assortment of black and white stones and— “Are these Go pieces?”

 

Komaeda’s eyes light up. “You're right! It’s just that… Go is my most favorite game out of every game in the world, so I wanted Kamukura-kun to have it… I'm still worried and scared because we won’t see each other as frequently from now on, but I decided that I will just think of the words you told me that certain day and wait for the moment when I too will be in middle school. And I think, if I give you something… it will help you remember me.”

 

Kamukura holds the jar with both of his hands and nods, smiling a bit. Komaeda evidently looks surprised, but he returns the smile. “Thank you, Komaeda.”

 

“No problem, Kamukura-kun…”

 

“There is something I would like to tell you.” Kamukura clears his throat. “Would you mind stepping outside with me for a second?”

 

“Of course not…” Komaeda follow him as he walks outside, curious. “Is it something serious, Kamukura-kun? I'm feeling kind of nervous…”

 

Kamukura doesn’t reply. There are a lot of people around, and he was looking for a place that isn’t occupied at all, if possible. His parents were still talking with their fellow parents, they probably expected that he would have friends he’d want to say goodbye to (or just friend, in this case), so they're not looking for him as soon as soon as the ceremony ended.

 

He continues walking, Komaeda closely beside him, and as they go to a place much more secluded than the gym, it gets quieter and quieter, almost giving him an illusion that they're just hanging out like the usual during after school hours.

 

“Kamukura-kun… Is something the matter?”

 

He finally faces Komaeda. He feels almost guilty upon noticing that Komaeda’s nervousness seems to have not faded at all. “I just have something to tell you, as I said.”

 

“Yes… You did say that earlier. What is it?”

 

“Do you remember,” It’s as if Kamukura’s mouth automatically closed in the middle of speaking. It seems he's actually nervous without even realizing it. “Do you remember when we were in the playground that time and I told you I had a secret that I was keeping from you?”

 

“Ah…” Komaeda’s face slightly lights up in recognition. “Right. About the person that you liked.”

 

“I wanted to tell you who.”

 

“Oh… I’d love to know, really, but I realized that if it’s because I forced you—”

 

“No, it’s my choice.” Kamukura quickly interrupts. “I do want to tell you who.”

 

“Alright then… I'm listening.”

 

“As you already know, I am not very good at matters like this, so I am going to be as straightforward as I can.”

 

“I don’t mind. Go for it, Kamukura-kun.”

 

“The person that I like is you, Komaeda.”

 

Komaeda nods. It doesn’t seem like he quickly registered what Kamukura has said because it takes a few seconds before his eyes widen and an overly obvious shade of red waves across his face. “…P-Pardon me?”

 

“The person that I like is you.” He simply repeats. “I know that this is too much to take in, but I hope this does not change anything between us. I hope you find it in yourself to continue being friends with me even if I fancy you in a way that you do not feel for me. I did not tell you this to pressure you into feeling the same way, especially since I know that you do not, but I did it because I will not be at ease graduating and moving to a different building without telling you what I feel. I know we are still children, and this might be the type of things that we will laugh at ten years later or so, but right now, I know I do mean what I am saying.

 

“I do like you, and I will wait for you.”

 

“I…” Komaeda bites his lower lip. He looks like he's about to panic. “I'm so sorry… I don’t know what to say…”

 

“It’s alright. As I said, I was not expecting my feelings to be reciprocated.” Kamukura reaches out and ruffles his hair. “I apologize. Have I made you uncomfortable?”

 

“No, no, you didn’t.” Komaeda quickly shakes his head. “I'm just… I feel bad now. I do like Kamukura-kun, but… I only like you as a friend. I'm so sorry. I don’t want to hurt you…”

 

“It’s alright.” Kamukura repeats, retracting his hand. “You do not have to worry. I like you, and I like liking you. You do not have to worry about returning my feelings.”

 

“Thank you…” Komaeda bites his lower lip, looking down at the floor. Kamukura starts to think if he has done the right thing because Komaeda looked so guilty at that moment. “Kamukura-kun, you're always so understanding and kind. You deserve someone way better than me.”

 

“If it’s not you then I do not want anyone else.” Kamukura replies. “Anyway, you should not think too hardly about this. I promise there is no harm done. We are still friends, are we not?”

 

“Of course we are…” Komaeda forces a smile, but Kamukura still notices the hint of guilt in his eyes. “As I said, you are a dear friend to me. Thank you so much for being understanding, Kamukura-kun…”

 

He leans forward and wraps Kamukura in a hug, something that Kamukura returns.

 

“Congratulations on your graduation.”

 

\--

 

They didn’t really talk about that again after that. It’s as if it never happened in the first place. If only Kamukura is distracted enough, he’d conclude that the whole thing was just a dream. But whenever he upholds eye contact that ends up being too long with Komaeda and the latter looks away, he realizes that that’s proof enough that his confession did happen.

 

Of course there was a change like that. He was stupid for even thinking that he can confess, get rejected, and proceed without anything changing. Still, he shouldn’t be complaining. He should be happy that Komaeda is still hanging out with him despite the slight awkwardness that they have.

 

He wonders though what exactly Hinata has that Kamukura doesn’t. That despite the fact that the former has been separated from Komaeda for years now, he managed to maintain Komaeda’s interest like this.

 

At first glance, Kamukura seems superior about everything, but maybe he was the inferior one all along, after all.

 

\--

 

“Izuru-kun, are we there yet?” Komaeda asks for what seemed like the hundredth time now. He has a blindfold on, and Kamukura was holding him as carefully as he can as they walk towards their destination. “I'm really excited…”

 

“We will get there soon.” Kamukura replies. “Lift your foot a bit, you are about to step on a rock.”

 

“Thank you.” Komaeda does so as he was told. “Ahhh… It smells good. What is that?”

 

They continue walking a bit more, Kamukura making sure that he guides Komaeda properly. Kamukura finally sees the place, and he inwardly thanks whatever yet again that he was able to find this. The first time he got here, his first thought was to bring Komaeda with him the next. And he did.

 

“We are here.” Kamukura declares. “Are you ready?”

 

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

 

“Alright then,” He gently unties the blindfold off Komaeda, making sure that it won’t tangle with his hair. “Do you like it?”

 

Komaeda’s eyes widen in surprise when he finally sees what's causing the sweet smell wafting through his senses. Kamukura brought him to a field of flowers. There was only one kind of flower around, but there was something peaceful about seeing all of them together in one place like this. Komaeda opens his mouth to say something, only to close it again after.

 

Kamukura never ever forgot when Komaeda mentioned back then that he liked beautiful things, and that’s why, at first glance to this place, Kamukura just knew that it would be perfect if Komaeda too goes here. He knew that Komaeda would love the place, and he was glad that he wasn’t mistaken.

 

“I-Izuru-kun…” Komaeda slowly shakes his head, his lips lightly trembling. “This place… It’s so wonderful.”

 

“Why do you look like you are going to cry? Is something missing?”

 

“No, I'm just,” Komaeda shakes his head and turns to him. “I feel so moved. I didn’t think that I’d be able to see a place that is as beautiful as this! I'm really lucky to have been brought here during this lifetime…”

 

“I am glad you liked it. I was worried for a second there.”

 

“I'm sorry that I alarmed you! It’s just that…” He shakes his head again as he kneels down, softly touching a flower with his fingers. “It’s too beautiful… They're too beautiful. I’ve never seen this many flowers in my entire life.”

 

Kamukura kneels beside him. “I thought of that too when I first went here.”

 

He feels Komaeda scooting closer and resting his head against his side. Kamukura makes sure to stay still so that he won’t interrupt Komaeda. “This whole thing is just so perfect… Being in this place… being with you… I couldn’t ask for more.”

 

Kamukura lightly moves away, just very slightly, just so he can lift his arm and wrap Komaeda with it, shortly bringing him back close to him. “I am glad that I made you happy.”

 

“You have done so many times now, you know.” He feels Komaeda’s lips press against his cheek. “You’ve done so much for me… even things that are too good for me, you have done for me… I don’t know what I’d do without you. I'm so glad that I decided to talk to you that certain day.”

 

Kamukura faces him and places a hand on his cheek, leaning his forehead against Komaeda’s. “I am glad too that I talked to you.”

 

Komaeda giggles and closes his eyes, prompting Kamukura to place a soft kiss on his lips.

 

“I love you, Nagito.”

 

\--

 

“Kamukura-kun!” One time when Kamukura was in first year middle school and Komaeda was in fifth grade elementary school—Komaeda immediately ran to him as soon as his class ended. This setting is familiar, but he knows that now, Komaeda is waiting longer compared to back then. “I was thinking to myself earlier and I realized… I never asked you before. Is there a club that you fancy already? The board games club? The kendo club? Or maybe the soccer team?”

 

“Hello, Komaeda.” He greets as the two of them start walking away. “I do not think that I will be joining any clubs. Why do you ask?”

 

“Oh…” Komaeda nods. “Well, I was just discussing with Tsumiki-san earlier that there are numerous clubs in middle school and she said that she’d love to join the infirmary staff. Did you know that Tsumiki-san wants to be a nurse someday? So I was wondering what club would get Kamukura-kun’s interest since he seems to be adept at anything…”

 

“I see.” Kamukura nods too. “How about you? Is there one that you think is interesting?”

 

“I'm not really sure, but maybe the library club? The school paper seems interesting too… If I can, maybe I’ll join both!”

 

“I think you can handle that.” Kamukura agrees. “The library club is not too busy. You just have to be in the library during your shift. When your shift will be will be decided during club meetings. As for the school paper, I think they aim to publish an issue each month, and they meet up every second to the last week of the month to plan and assign tasks.”

 

“Oh.” Komaeda smiles. “Kamukura-kun, you really are dependable! It feels so nice being friends with an upperclassman…”

 

“Well, if you have questions, you can ask them anytime.”

 

“Alright! Let’s see… Is it really much more difficult compared to elementary school?”

 

“If you were to ask me, I would say no. I do believe that you will be able to handle it well too.”

 

“Is that so… Well, to be honest, I don’t really have a lot of things to ask yet since I don’t really know much, but when I get there, I hope you can assist me!”

 

“Of course I will. You can count on me.”

 

\--

 

Kamukura himself doesn’t know how they did it.

 

When Kamukura entered middle school, they only saw each other on the way to school and on the way to their homes. They agreed to meet too during weekends, but there are even times when Kamukura can’t because some group projects get in the way.

 

Still, their friendship remained strong.

 

Even as two summers, two autumns, two winters have passed, even as they reached the second spring that they had after Kamukura’s graduation from elementary school—they still remained as friends. They still remained close to each other.

 

Kamukura himself doesn’t know how they did it.

 

\--

 

“I told my aunt that I wanted to celebrate with Kamukura-kun today.” Komaeda was firmly holding his hand and leading the way. When asked about their destination, he’d adamantly say that it’s a secret, so Kamukura decided to just wait. “You're the person closest to me… I love my aunt too, of course, but I think I'm more attached to Kamukura-kun.”

 

“I see. Well, I would not mind celebrating with you. I have something to give to you too, by the way, because when I graduated two years ago, you had something for me.”

 

“Oh… I'm sorry if I compelled you to give something in return! It’s okay, really! I don’t mind!”

 

“No, it’s nothing like that. I did want to give you something. I am really happy that you will be in middle school now too.”

 

 “You're right!” Komaeda giggles. “I'm happy too, to be honest! I'm glad that I’ll be able to spend my break times with Kamukura-kun again!”

 

“Likewise. I will be glad as well to show you around.”

 

“Ahh, middle school sounds so nice! I feel like I have a lot of things to look forward to!”

 

“I agree. I am looking forward to being in the same building as you again. That way, we will be able to see each other easier.”

 

“You should introduce me to the people you befriended too! I’d love to meet Kamukura-kun’s friends.”

 

“I will. I would love to meet yours too, by the way.”

 

Komaeda mutters something to himself about how excited he is, and Kamukura takes the opportunity to inspect their surroundings. It doesn’t miss him that he never has set foot in this location before, but Komaeda seems to know what he's doing…

 

“We’re here!” Komaeda stops in front of a gate, and Kamukura is confused because the location looks like it’s something straight from a fictional book. The gate was tall, of course, but Kamukura can guess just exactly how big the land space inside seems to be. Not to mention that the walls in front of them seem to be extending until the end of the street—no, this whole street seems to have nothing but this incredibly huge house.

 

“What do you mean?” Kamukura doesn’t stop the confusion from manifesting in his face. “Where is _here_?”

 

“Ah, oh,” Komaeda suddenly looks embarrassed. “Right… This is actually my house.”

 

“…What?”

 

“My real house. The one I used to occupy with my parents. I moved to my aunt’s place after they died.” Komaeda explains. “Don’t worry… Auntie said that she hires trustworthy people to clean the place every week, so we won’t be seeing cobwebs and other dirty stuff.”

 

“I am not worried about that.” Kamukura replies. Komaeda sheepishly giggles and gives a soft apology. “I am just surprised since this is the first time I have heard of this.”

 

“Haha, well, see, to be honest…” Komaeda sheepishly bites his lower lip. “I have never set foot here ever since my parents died… but now that I graduated from elementary school and that I have Kamukura-kun with me, I decided that maybe I can try again.”

 

“…I see.” Kamukura nods, and he holds Komaeda’s hand firmly. “I am here for you.”

 

“Thank you…” Komaeda looks flattered as he nods too, an almost unnoticeable hint of red on his face. “Well then… Let’s go inside? I’d like you to meet them.”

 

Kamukura almost stupidly repeats ‘meet them’, but he fortunately catches himself on time. Of course there's no way that Komaeda would mean that literally. Maybe his parents’ graves are inside. Still, it feels like an honor to be the one to accompany Komaeda during his first visit to his parents.

 

They go inside, and the place was exactly as Kamukura imagined it to be. There were a lot of cherry blossoms in full bloom inside, considering that it’s spring, and it looks like a scene straight from a movie. He can see an arch too, and peeking inside, he can see the actual house.

 

It looks lonely, obviously there's no one in the whole land area aside from the two of them, and Kamukura briefly decides that this is what one would call a ‘mansion’. He already knew that Komaeda seems to be on the wealthy side, but he had no idea that he was _this_ rich.

 

When they reach the house, they both take off their shoes, Komaeda handing him a pair of indoor slippers after, and he makes sure to follow Komaeda closely because he's basically an alien in this place. He knows that there's no way that he’d get lost no matter how big the place is, but he’d feel uncomfortable poking around by himself in a house that’s not even his.

 

“Follow me.” Komaeda says, holding his hand firmly again. “Auntie said that they're in the backyard.”

 

And the backyard was even more beautiful. There were still an abundance of cherry blossoms, and there was a rather big pond surrounded by huge rocks. Some of the pink petals of the blossoms were scattered in the pond, and despite it being a natural occurrence, it still looked theatric, totally fitting with Kamukura’s earlier thought about the whole place looking like it was from a movie.

 

They walked on the pebbles, the indoor slippers protecting their feet but the sensation can still be felt like firm fingers pressing on their skin, and they walked around the pond, and there they were. Kamukura sees two graves and he immediately looks at Komaeda who seemed surprised, almost as if he wasn’t really expecting to see anything.

 

“Well…” Komaeda blinks, his eyes still on the graves. “Looks like we’re here… Kamukura-kun.”

 

Kamukura bows his head as a sign of respect.

 

“Mother, father,” Komaeda sounds really cheerful even at the moment. Kamukura doesn’t know what to do so he decides to continue bowing his head without saying anything. “I'm sorry that I took so long to visit. I was scared, and I didn’t think I was ready back then. But now, I'm stronger than before, and I even brought the person that is closest to me.

 

“His name is Kamukura Izuru-kun. He's very kind to me, and he puts up with me despite my incompetence. He's so smart, really smart, that even if we’re of the same age, he's already an incoming third year middle school student. Kamukura-kun was the one who took care of me in school, and he treats me with so much kindness, to the point that I don’t think I deserve it anymore…

 

“He's my best friend, and… I tell him everything because he's so trustworthy and reliable and he never ever lets me down. Whenever he says something, he does it, and he always keeps the promises that he makes. I'm really, really happy being his friend…

 

“He has always been there for me through everything. He listened to my problems and he never got tired of me even if I whined about everything. I love being with Kamukura-kun, and I… I…”

 

Kamukura lightly lifts his head to check on Komaeda to see the latter’s eyes closed. His cheeks seem lightly flushed too, and he looks like he's about to cry… Kamukura would want to place a hand on his shoulder maybe, but he’d feel like he’ll be interrupting something if he does.

 

“I know that you might tell me I'm too young to understand what I'm talking about… I just graduated from elementary school, I'm just an incoming middle school student, but I think… I think I can claim with truth if I say… if I say that I l-love Kamukura-kun, and that I love everything about him…”

 

Kamukura looks up again because he can’t believe what he's hearing. He wouldn’t be surprised if this turns out to be a dream or a delusion, but what he's seeing right now seems overly vivid for it to be false. He can see everything with clarity, from the slight tears in the corner of Komaeda’s eyes to the effect of the soft wind blowing through the cherry blossom trees.

 

“I rejected him when he confessed to me… Because that time, I’d feel like I'm tricking him if I tell him that I felt the same way. I always thought of Hajikkun that time, but now that Kamukura-kun and I have been separated for two years, only meeting during the mornings and the afternoons… I realized how much I like him and that I’d want to be with him forever if I can.

 

“H-He's the best friend that I ever had, and I kept on thinking about him, how important he is to me, how kind he is to me, how I’d just want for our days to continue and continue and continue…

 

“I'm sorry if things are being so fast, considering that this is the first time I visited you guys again after so many years, but I know that you two will be happy for me… I hope the both of you are happy right now wherever you are, and I also hope that you can continue watching over me…”

 

Komaeda hesitantly opens his eyes, stares at the ground, before slowly looking up and making eye contact with Kamukura. He looks like he's already preparing himself for rejection, so Kamukura makes sure to put on the most comforting smile (he doesn’t know how much that can help, he doesn’t know if he's looking comforting at all) and holds Komaeda’s hand.

 

He doesn’t understand why Komaeda would look confused by not being rejected at the moment. “I did say that I will wait for you, right?”

 

Komaeda bites his lower lip and nods, quickly embracing Kamukura so tightly it’s as if his life depended on it. Kamukura returns the hug, gently running his hand on Komaeda’s back in the best comforting manner that he can manage. “You did… You really did. You waited for me. Thank you. Thank you so much… It must have been difficult.”

 

Kamukura closes his eyes and moves his hand on Komaeda’s hair, whispering softly. “I did not mind. You are worth the wait.”

 

\--

 

The rain is pouring hard outside. Today is a Sunday night, and Kamukura doesn’t really have anything to do. He finds Sundays pretty uneventful because he doesn’t have classes on Mondays, so it feels just like a Saturday night. It was another day for rest, and it’s good for him, but sometimes, it gets boring.

 

His parents aren’t home at the moment. They had a business trip (or just a trip? He wasn’t really paying attention) and wouldn’t be coming back until tomorrow night. The rain sounds monotonous—if he lets himself get lost in the sound, he knows that he’ll be lulled to sleep—

 

The peaceful atmosphere gets shortly broken by the sound of a doorbell. He slowly gets up, confused. Maybe his parents forgot something? But he didn’t really hear the sound of their car, so… He doesn’t have a good guess on who it is, so he decides to just walk towards the front door because that’s the only way for him to know.

 

He puts his hand on the door knob, promptly turning it, and he feels his own eyes widen when he sees who it was. It was Komaeda, his whole body dripping wet from the rain, and he was staring at the floor even as Kamukura already opened the door.

 

“Nagito, what are you doing?” Komaeda still doesn’t respond and so Kamukura pulls him inside after closing the door. He doesn’t even care now that he's wetting the floor, doesn’t care that his shirt is also dripping from rain water because he's holding Komaeda closely, doesn’t care because all he cares about right now is Komaeda and the reason why he's acting like this—

 

Komaeda is shivering as he wraps Kamukura with his arms so tightly that it actually is a little painful, and he was grasping on Kamukura’s shirt so hard that Kamukura gets the brief thought that it might rip. He puts up with it, simply running his hand through Komaeda’s drenched hair, and returning the embrace.

 

“What happened?”

 

“I-I love you.” Komaeda was trembling. Kamukura can only guess how long he has been standing from the rain. He snuggles closer to Kamukura, the already tight hug tightening even more, as he repeats himself. “I love you… I love you. I love you.”

 

“…I love you too.” Kamukura runs his hand on Komaeda’s back. “What's wrong?”

 

“I-I love you.” He shivers even more, and he buries himself deeper on Kamukura’s embrace as if desperate for warmth. “I love you. I-I promise I love you.”

 

“I love you too…”

 

“Whatever happens… w-whatever I do…” He grips Kamukura’s arm tighter. “I love you… I’ll always love you… I'm not lying when I say this. I love you. I really do love you.”

 

“I love you too... I know that you are not lying. What's going on?”

 

He hides his face on Kamukura’s chest, and despite the two of them already being wet by the rain water, Kamukura still feels the different sensation caused by tears, Komaeda’s tears, because the warmth was so alarming and different from the rain that’s making him think he's going to freeze.

 

“I-I'm sorry… I'm so sorry… I'm really sorry…”

 

“…You did not do anything wrong—”

 

“I don’t deserve you.” Komaeda starts breathing deeply, and Kamukura wants to get a glass of water for him but he doesn’t think Komaeda will let him stand now. “I don’t deserve you… I don’t deserve anyone… I-I don’t deserve you. I'm a horrible person…”

 

“You should not say that, Nagito. You are not a horrible person.”

 

“Y-You're too kind… You're too good for me… Izuru-kun, you're too good for me. I don’t deserve you… I-I deserve to be alone.”

 

“I will always stay with you.”

 

“No… No, you should… l-leave me. Alone. I'm horrible… I don’t deserve you. Even if I love you so much… I still will never ever deserve you… because I'm horrible…”

 

“I will never leave you alone.”

 

“Izuru-kun… I really, really don't deserve you… I mean it…” Komaeda was still trembling as he pulls away. “Let’s break up.”


End file.
